Where Did the Time Go? Changes are Happening!!

So, didn’t I just announce my pregnancy yesterday on here?  Not quite, it’s been a few months since I did that, and now it’s April, the middle of April at that!!  I am so surprised at how time has been flying by now that it’s gotten a little warmer, and the time changed.    I believe I have around 13 some weeks left before our baby girl will make her entrance into this world.  I have started to go into nesting mode, and I feel I’m running out of time to do everything already.  Luckily, my parents will be here soon for a few days and I know they can help me start to get the nursery ready.  That’s all I want, it to start getting this nursery looking more like that, and not a random extra room in my house that is in it’s transition phase.  I have the theme picked out for her room, and the color scheme, everything is in my mind, but I cannot wait to put it all together.

A few people have asked me if I’m nervous to become a mother, but I’ve been telling them no, I’m not really nervous, I’m clueless, but not quite anxious.  I have 0 idea on babies.  I grew up an only child, but I have an older brother who has always lived in Florida.  I helped out with the nursery at church, but someone else always changed a diaper, or did ‘the dirty stuff’.  I know that my mother instincts will kick in immediately, right?  I’m just excited to meet her, and hold her, and see what she looks like!!  Everyone keeps saying that red hair is dominant, and I don’t believe them.  My red hair is 100% recessive genes, so I’m not too convinced that she’ll pop out with a ginger head like me, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t praying for that red hair.  I just always assumed that my daughter would have red hair, I’ll keep you updated on that one.  😉

Life is already changing though, and it’s not the changes you think it would be.  Obviously, my tummy is growing and my body is getting ready for birth, that’s just a given.  I’m talking about my personal life and how things are changing that way.  Right now I’m working full time as an assistant manager at a retail store in my town.  I’ve been in management for 3 years and with that company for almost 4 years.  This is the only thing I’ve known since I’ve moved to Indiana.  These are my friends here, the people I see daily, and talk to regularly.  Well with having a little one, working full time in retail is near impossible, especially for me.  My schedule is different every single week, that’s just how it is, and I’m okay with that.  Well my husband’s schedule is set, and it’s an earl rising one, I tell ya!  The point it, I have no child care during the day for baby R, and I will not do daycare.  We don’t have the funds for that, and I don’t trust them, that’s just me, and my opinion.  So because of these factors, we have decided for me to step down as assistant manager, and become a stay at home mom for the majority of the time.  I get maternity leave, but when that’s done I’ll be doing very little part time to close out this year, and then starting next year I may pick up more when I’m able to.  Stepping down out of this position is incredibly bittersweet, and I did not expect that.  I didn’t know what to expect honestly.  An old coworker asked me if I was just so ready to get out, and I told her no not really.  That answer surprised her, and I think I surprised myself too.  I’m letting go of all my many, many responsibilities at work and it’s honestly a little hard.  I’m starting to step back even now and let those taking over do a few more things, and learn more things than before…it’s a little weird for me.  I’m not one to just be like ehhh someone else can do my job, no, it’s my job and I have to complete it.  Now I’m watching the others do what I normally do, and it’s hard to not jump in or just start taking over.  These are the changes that I did not expect with this big life event happening.

I also get worried that I’ll never see them anymore, or we will lose touch and I’ll lose my friends.  I have a thing with losing friends, but that is a blog for another time.  I am so beyond excited to meet our little girl and stay at home with her, but I can’t help but feel sad that I’m leaving my ‘old life’ behind.  I’m not upset that I’m having baby, but I know it probably sounds that way…I don’t mean for it to.  I hope my point is getting across, I’m rambling a little, but it’s late and I’m just writing to get some things off my chest.

My best friend is having a baby, which is insane!!  We did not expect that to happen at all!!!  It is the coolest thing ever to be pregnant at the same time, it’s unreal honestly.  We are so excited for each other!  But she’s 7 hours away which is the worst part, so yes we talk daily over text, but I wish we could be there in person for each other.  My sister in law here in Indiana is having a baby too, so that’s cool, but I still feel like my friend circle is about to vanish and I’ll have no one.  I am more social than I realize, and I enjoy being with friends and hanging out, I just want to still be able to do that after I have the baby.  Is that a thing, can people still do that?  See, I’m such a newbie parent, I just don’t know what to expect.

I hope these thoughts aren’t super silly, and you’re just like, dude get it together.  I tell ya, pregnancy hormones are a real thing, and they can be odd.  So I’m just a little down this evening so I’m writing it out.  However, earlier I was getting a little upset at work for stupid reasons, and I know it was because hormones.  It didn’t effect my work or anything, but I just had to tell myself to just chill and it’s okay, nothing is wrong.  The angry emotions can spiral faster now, and I hate that, that’s not me!

Well, I’m going to end it tonight, I hope for those of you who read don’t unfollow because I’m just another crazy pregnant lady.  This is just what is on my mind this evening, and it was therapeutic to write about it.  I have a lot to do tomorrow on my day off, so I’m going to get a shower and head to bed.  Thanks so much for reading!!

~xoxo Seneca

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